I had a great conversation with Joshua that I just had to record for all of time, but here is some background first.
Last night I made a chocolate smoothie/ice cream for the boys and myself that I poured into our cups. While the boys enjoyed theirs I cleaned up because for some reason I cannot enjoy a treat unless it is cleaned up. Yes, I have issues. Before I was done cleaning up, Hyrum made a small mess, so I took a rag and wiped it up but left the rag. After Hyrum was done he finished wiping everything up and then threw the rag. He likes to throw things away when he is done, but this time it found my cup of smoothie and knocked it off the counter and spilled chocolate smoothie all over the cabinets and floors. I may have screamed. Ooops! James had him clean up just enough that he could see that he helped but not so much that he made it worse. Anyway, after the floor was cleaned up I tackled the cabinets but found that squatting just wasn't going to happen for me, so I called Michael and Joshua in to help me out. I had them spraying and wiping the cabinets when this great conversation began.
While cleaning Joshua, for some reason, told me that when Hyrum is older that he should have to clean up a mess like this to make up for making the mess now. So, I clarified that I should keep track of every mess and mistake that Hyrum makes, and then when he is older I should punish him for all of them. He readily agreed. Then, I asked if he thought I should go back and remember every mess he made and have him start making up for all of them now. He hesitated at this and astutely pointed out that he had spilled an entire gallon of milk at one point and that he was now making up for that by helping to clean up this mess. Being encouraged by this I then pointed out that I could make of list of all of his mistakes as a toddler and have him make up for them. He finally got the point and decided that we shouldn't keep track of Hyrum's mistakes to punish him for later.
I did find it interesting, though, that even though we don't make a list of crimes and punishments of our toddlers, we just teach them the best we can and later off in life if they have younger siblings or children it will all catch up with them. I know that I cannot imagine that I made nearly as many messes as I have cleaned up with my toddlers and even my older children. It all comes back later which I think Joshua saw a little more clearly last night. I hope you enjoyed hearing the way Joshua thinks. :)
25 February 2014
20 February 2014
Stranded
I had great plans for today and some of them worked nicely but the rest had to be thrown out the window. I started the day with a nice calm breakfast with the boys. Then, I headed off to Nauvoo for a peaceful trip to the temple. I had to evade water in the road because it was raining and with a frozen ground there was just not a lot of places for all of that rain to go. But I made it there and had a lovely time. I grabbed a sandwich and headed home. Within 15 minutes of leaving Nauvoo my car told me that there was a tire pressure problem. As I grumbled I looked to see which tire and how bad it was as I was only a few minutes out of the next city. To my dismay the PSI on my tire was already down to 20 and still dropping. So, I reluctantly pulled over. I was wearing a dress and it was still sprinkling a little, so I'm sure me and my pregnant self looked great sitting on the side of the road.
You will all be proud to know that I pulled out my user manual and started walking through the steps of changing my tire. I have to admit that I thought it ironic that I had to read several paragraphs on how proper maintenance should help you avoid ever getting a flat tire. Well, so much for that. I just had an oil change and they said my tires looked great. Phooey! It took me awhile but I found the jack and the tools I needed. Next, I had to get the spare tire out. These new cars sure know how to hide the spare. By this time a nice gentleman stopped to offer his assistance which I readily accepted knowing that my skills were pretty much exhausted by this point. He managed to get the spare tire out which was pretty impressive. Then, he tried to loosen the lug nuts on the tire. That was a no go. He jumped on the wrench and gave it his all but it was not to be. So much for a simple flat tire. Actually, now that I think about it, I had another flat tire when I was pregnant with Jacob. Things went just about as smoothly as this but for that one I was home which made life much simpler.
So, I got back in the car and called my insurance company to get a tow. It is always fun explaining where you are when really you are nowhere. They want landmarks when all I have is corn fields to look at. In the end it is the tow truck driver who needs to know where I am, so until I am talking to him it doesn't really matter. I finally got in touch with the tow truck company that my insurance contacted and had a rather enlightening conversation. First, I tried to talk her into towing me to Galesburg. I knew it was a long shot, but it was worth a try. She shot me down and said they would only tow me to Burlington. Yes, that is in a different state than I was in. The joys of living near the border. I then asked very nicely how long she thought it would be. I thought this a logical question, but she did not. She refused to answer the question and just said that Geico gave them 2 hours to get me and well, they would be there within that time frame. SERIOUSLY?!?!? But what was my choice. In the future I think I will challenge this and ask for someone else. But my phone life was diminishing and I wasn't in the mood. So, I sat there and waited. As a mother of 4 a quiet afternoon by myself sounds great, but let me just say that sitting for 2 hours in your car is just not what I had in mind.
After almost exactly 2 hours, I mean really, don't rush on my account, the tow truck showed up. He was a very nice man and he helped me find a tire shop that could actually get me a new tire instead of just putting my spare on. He was super nice and exactly what I needed after sitting all alone for 2 hours. He even told me which tire place would take better care of me. How does this nice man work for such an ornery company? Well, I'll tell you. Today was his last day because even he cannot work for them anymore. Cracked me up. I am grateful that he had one more day in him to help me out!
After waiting for 2 hours, it took 20 minutes to drive into Burlington and then 20 more to get me a all set and ready to go. The place he took me was FABULOUS! They checked the tire to see if they could fix it, but as I guessed it was a pretty big hole that took my tire out that quickly. But they had a good used tire that would fit, so we went with it. By the time I was done paying I asked how much longer it would be and was shocked and relieved to learn that they were done. What? Real customer service?!? I couldn't believe it! So, after all the drama there was a happy ending and I managed to get home before dark which was a relief since there was running water on a few of the roads on the way home.
So, what did I learn?
1. Find my own tow truck company and ask my insurance company to use them. 2 hours is an obscene time to wait. Yes, there was a lot of bad weather today, but really?!?
2. Always ask the tow driver for advice on where to get car help. They know everyone!
3. Always have a car charger for your phone. In the end I had one, but for some reason we thought it didn't work. We were wrong, and having my phone the whole time would have been much more enjoyable.
4. Nice people and good companies exist, you just have to find them and never forget them!
You will all be proud to know that I pulled out my user manual and started walking through the steps of changing my tire. I have to admit that I thought it ironic that I had to read several paragraphs on how proper maintenance should help you avoid ever getting a flat tire. Well, so much for that. I just had an oil change and they said my tires looked great. Phooey! It took me awhile but I found the jack and the tools I needed. Next, I had to get the spare tire out. These new cars sure know how to hide the spare. By this time a nice gentleman stopped to offer his assistance which I readily accepted knowing that my skills were pretty much exhausted by this point. He managed to get the spare tire out which was pretty impressive. Then, he tried to loosen the lug nuts on the tire. That was a no go. He jumped on the wrench and gave it his all but it was not to be. So much for a simple flat tire. Actually, now that I think about it, I had another flat tire when I was pregnant with Jacob. Things went just about as smoothly as this but for that one I was home which made life much simpler.
So, I got back in the car and called my insurance company to get a tow. It is always fun explaining where you are when really you are nowhere. They want landmarks when all I have is corn fields to look at. In the end it is the tow truck driver who needs to know where I am, so until I am talking to him it doesn't really matter. I finally got in touch with the tow truck company that my insurance contacted and had a rather enlightening conversation. First, I tried to talk her into towing me to Galesburg. I knew it was a long shot, but it was worth a try. She shot me down and said they would only tow me to Burlington. Yes, that is in a different state than I was in. The joys of living near the border. I then asked very nicely how long she thought it would be. I thought this a logical question, but she did not. She refused to answer the question and just said that Geico gave them 2 hours to get me and well, they would be there within that time frame. SERIOUSLY?!?!? But what was my choice. In the future I think I will challenge this and ask for someone else. But my phone life was diminishing and I wasn't in the mood. So, I sat there and waited. As a mother of 4 a quiet afternoon by myself sounds great, but let me just say that sitting for 2 hours in your car is just not what I had in mind.
After almost exactly 2 hours, I mean really, don't rush on my account, the tow truck showed up. He was a very nice man and he helped me find a tire shop that could actually get me a new tire instead of just putting my spare on. He was super nice and exactly what I needed after sitting all alone for 2 hours. He even told me which tire place would take better care of me. How does this nice man work for such an ornery company? Well, I'll tell you. Today was his last day because even he cannot work for them anymore. Cracked me up. I am grateful that he had one more day in him to help me out!
After waiting for 2 hours, it took 20 minutes to drive into Burlington and then 20 more to get me a all set and ready to go. The place he took me was FABULOUS! They checked the tire to see if they could fix it, but as I guessed it was a pretty big hole that took my tire out that quickly. But they had a good used tire that would fit, so we went with it. By the time I was done paying I asked how much longer it would be and was shocked and relieved to learn that they were done. What? Real customer service?!? I couldn't believe it! So, after all the drama there was a happy ending and I managed to get home before dark which was a relief since there was running water on a few of the roads on the way home.
So, what did I learn?
1. Find my own tow truck company and ask my insurance company to use them. 2 hours is an obscene time to wait. Yes, there was a lot of bad weather today, but really?!?
2. Always ask the tow driver for advice on where to get car help. They know everyone!
3. Always have a car charger for your phone. In the end I had one, but for some reason we thought it didn't work. We were wrong, and having my phone the whole time would have been much more enjoyable.
4. Nice people and good companies exist, you just have to find them and never forget them!
02 February 2014
The Perfect Mom
I have been thinking a lot about motherhood of late and want to share some of my thoughts. . .
First, my husband shared an article with me written by a woman who has never been a mother and said things like 'being a mother is average' and that we should strive for more. While I fought back the urge to yell at her through the computer I recognized that the act of actually having a child could be considered average. But being a mother and raising children is far from average and this poor woman will probably never know the joys that come from motherhood.
Ok, now onto the topic that has really been on my mind. Of late I have felt like people treat me like I am the 'perfect mom' who has the 'perfect children.' Now, while this is very flattering I am a bit frustrated by it. Please note that I am not perfect and if you want a list to prove it just let me know, and I can gladly prove to you that I am not a perfect mother. What I have learned in my many years as a mother is that women are very different with varying strengths and weaknesses. I have had several friends who are very creative, loving and nurturing. Then, I have other friends who are very organized, planned and never late. There are, of course, other groups and other strengths, so know that I am not being complete in my list, but what I have observed with moms is that the grass is always greener on the other side. Instead of noticing their own strengths, we as mothers tend to focus on our weaknesses while focusing on the strengths of others. I happen to be the super organized kind of woman who must have a clean organized home and cannot function in any other way. For some reason that is all that others see and think that it makes me 'perfect' because maybe it isn't there strength.
I have found that with each set of strengths often comes an opposing set of weaknesses. My friends who are creative struggle with organization and being on time as it contradicts their creative side. It is in their nature to be free from a schedule, they want to follow their whims and do things as they come naturally. As for people like myself we are the exact opposite. We thrive with a schedule and organization but struggle to be spontaneous or to stop and take time to do things that are not on our schedule. So, while people see me as on time and organized they neglect to see that I struggle to stop and cuddle with a little one when there are other things that need to be done. Now I am not saying that we should just acknowledge our weaknesses and ignore them, but we should find ways to balance that work for us and utilize our strengths. For me I have had to learn to cuddle, stop and read a book, leave a little mess and much more. I usually schedule things out, so that I have plenty of play time and time to get everything else done, but I have had to teach myself to stop and just enjoy time with my kids. I'm still not perfect at it, but I identify both my strengths and weaknesses and try to figure out how to be better every day. And yes, there is plenty for me to improve on every day.
I have spent several years with only children capable of taking care of themselves. I have an 11, 10, 7 and 1 year old, so for about 3-4 years all of my children could use the bathroom, dress themselves, buckle themselves, feed themselves, etc. It was great and a lot less stressful than having a toddler getting into everything, but for those same years everyone saw the same thing and forgot that I once had a 1/2, 3 and 4 year old and everything that goes with that. It doesn't help that I lived in a different state during that stage of life, so most people who know me now only saw me with my children who were old enough to sit through church without throwing a huge fit or make me chase them through the church, so let me set the record straight to prove that me and my children are normal and NOT perfect.
During one Sunday service (stake conference to be specific) my toddler escaped from the very back of the chapel and ran all the way to the front of the chapel and onto the stage. I'm pretty sure that this happened more than once, but since we were in the very back of the gym this event was most memorable. We were humiliated as we chased this little 2 year old around and struggled to catch him.
Another day our 2 and 3 year old decided to go to the library. I was pregnant with our third child, so I was sleeping in and James was taking quick shower when they made this discussion. They found a chair and used it to unlock the front door and were on their way. They were, of course, wearing their pajamas and were found trying to cross a highway by a driver on the road. (The library was just across that highway, so at least they were close to their destination.) We were terrified when we learned that they had left and grateful when the police officer brought them home. We had a lovely visit from child services which was the scariest experience of my entire life.
On several occasions I literally 'cried over spilt milk.' I know it sounds crazy, but when your little one dumps out an entire gallon of milk on the carpet you just can't do anything else but cry.
We have fought off biting, hitting, throwing toys and anything else you can imagine little boys doing. My children were and are pretty 'normal' and have done most things that you can imagine inquisitive, creative, independent children do. I am not telling these stories for sympathy, but explain that we are not perfect and that often we don't see what others are going through or have been through. As mothers I feel like it hurts us to put ourselves down by pretending that other moms are perfect. Maybe there are a few perfect moms out there, but I haven't met any. Instead I have met many moms, who like myself are working hard to be the best moms they can be. We focus on our strengths and work together to help uplift and strengthen each other. We learn from each other, we teach other, we support and help each other through the ups and downs of motherhood. To all of those young moms out there who are just trying to keep their kids alive (which is your job until they are about 4) keep working hard and know that you are doing a great work. Remember that you have strengths even if they aren't the ones you see in others and focus on them and use them to be the best mom that you can be. We are all unique and as such have special gifts and talents that only we can give to our children. Give your children what you have and don't focus on what you don't have and your children will love you forever for it.
First, my husband shared an article with me written by a woman who has never been a mother and said things like 'being a mother is average' and that we should strive for more. While I fought back the urge to yell at her through the computer I recognized that the act of actually having a child could be considered average. But being a mother and raising children is far from average and this poor woman will probably never know the joys that come from motherhood.
Ok, now onto the topic that has really been on my mind. Of late I have felt like people treat me like I am the 'perfect mom' who has the 'perfect children.' Now, while this is very flattering I am a bit frustrated by it. Please note that I am not perfect and if you want a list to prove it just let me know, and I can gladly prove to you that I am not a perfect mother. What I have learned in my many years as a mother is that women are very different with varying strengths and weaknesses. I have had several friends who are very creative, loving and nurturing. Then, I have other friends who are very organized, planned and never late. There are, of course, other groups and other strengths, so know that I am not being complete in my list, but what I have observed with moms is that the grass is always greener on the other side. Instead of noticing their own strengths, we as mothers tend to focus on our weaknesses while focusing on the strengths of others. I happen to be the super organized kind of woman who must have a clean organized home and cannot function in any other way. For some reason that is all that others see and think that it makes me 'perfect' because maybe it isn't there strength.
I have found that with each set of strengths often comes an opposing set of weaknesses. My friends who are creative struggle with organization and being on time as it contradicts their creative side. It is in their nature to be free from a schedule, they want to follow their whims and do things as they come naturally. As for people like myself we are the exact opposite. We thrive with a schedule and organization but struggle to be spontaneous or to stop and take time to do things that are not on our schedule. So, while people see me as on time and organized they neglect to see that I struggle to stop and cuddle with a little one when there are other things that need to be done. Now I am not saying that we should just acknowledge our weaknesses and ignore them, but we should find ways to balance that work for us and utilize our strengths. For me I have had to learn to cuddle, stop and read a book, leave a little mess and much more. I usually schedule things out, so that I have plenty of play time and time to get everything else done, but I have had to teach myself to stop and just enjoy time with my kids. I'm still not perfect at it, but I identify both my strengths and weaknesses and try to figure out how to be better every day. And yes, there is plenty for me to improve on every day.
I have spent several years with only children capable of taking care of themselves. I have an 11, 10, 7 and 1 year old, so for about 3-4 years all of my children could use the bathroom, dress themselves, buckle themselves, feed themselves, etc. It was great and a lot less stressful than having a toddler getting into everything, but for those same years everyone saw the same thing and forgot that I once had a 1/2, 3 and 4 year old and everything that goes with that. It doesn't help that I lived in a different state during that stage of life, so most people who know me now only saw me with my children who were old enough to sit through church without throwing a huge fit or make me chase them through the church, so let me set the record straight to prove that me and my children are normal and NOT perfect.
During one Sunday service (stake conference to be specific) my toddler escaped from the very back of the chapel and ran all the way to the front of the chapel and onto the stage. I'm pretty sure that this happened more than once, but since we were in the very back of the gym this event was most memorable. We were humiliated as we chased this little 2 year old around and struggled to catch him.
Another day our 2 and 3 year old decided to go to the library. I was pregnant with our third child, so I was sleeping in and James was taking quick shower when they made this discussion. They found a chair and used it to unlock the front door and were on their way. They were, of course, wearing their pajamas and were found trying to cross a highway by a driver on the road. (The library was just across that highway, so at least they were close to their destination.) We were terrified when we learned that they had left and grateful when the police officer brought them home. We had a lovely visit from child services which was the scariest experience of my entire life.
On several occasions I literally 'cried over spilt milk.' I know it sounds crazy, but when your little one dumps out an entire gallon of milk on the carpet you just can't do anything else but cry.
We have fought off biting, hitting, throwing toys and anything else you can imagine little boys doing. My children were and are pretty 'normal' and have done most things that you can imagine inquisitive, creative, independent children do. I am not telling these stories for sympathy, but explain that we are not perfect and that often we don't see what others are going through or have been through. As mothers I feel like it hurts us to put ourselves down by pretending that other moms are perfect. Maybe there are a few perfect moms out there, but I haven't met any. Instead I have met many moms, who like myself are working hard to be the best moms they can be. We focus on our strengths and work together to help uplift and strengthen each other. We learn from each other, we teach other, we support and help each other through the ups and downs of motherhood. To all of those young moms out there who are just trying to keep their kids alive (which is your job until they are about 4) keep working hard and know that you are doing a great work. Remember that you have strengths even if they aren't the ones you see in others and focus on them and use them to be the best mom that you can be. We are all unique and as such have special gifts and talents that only we can give to our children. Give your children what you have and don't focus on what you don't have and your children will love you forever for it.
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