The Perfect Mom

I have been thinking a lot about motherhood of late and want to share some of my thoughts. . .

First, my husband shared an article with me written by a woman who has never been a mother and said things like 'being a mother is average' and that we should strive for more.  While I fought back the urge to yell at her through the computer I recognized that the act of actually having a child could be considered average. But being a mother and raising children is far from average and this poor woman will probably never know the joys that come from motherhood.

Ok, now onto the topic that has really been on my mind.  Of late I have felt like people treat me like I am the 'perfect mom' who has the 'perfect children.'  Now, while this is very flattering I am a bit frustrated by it.  Please note that I am not perfect and if you want a list to prove it just let me know, and I can gladly prove to you that I am not a perfect mother.  What I have learned in my many years as a mother is that women are very different with varying strengths and weaknesses.  I have had several friends who are very creative, loving and nurturing.  Then, I have other friends who are very organized, planned and never late.  There are, of course, other groups and other strengths, so know that I am not being complete in my list, but what I have observed with moms is that the grass is always greener on the other side.  Instead of noticing their own strengths, we as mothers tend to focus on our weaknesses while focusing on the strengths of others.  I happen to be the super organized kind of woman who must have a clean organized home and cannot function in any other way.  For some reason that is all that others see and think that it makes me 'perfect' because maybe it isn't there strength.

I have found that with each set of strengths often comes an opposing set of weaknesses.  My friends who are creative struggle with organization and being on time as it contradicts their creative side.  It is in their nature to be free from a schedule, they want to follow their whims and do things as they come naturally.  As for people like myself we are the exact opposite.  We thrive with a schedule and organization but struggle to be spontaneous or to stop and take time to do things that are not on our schedule.  So, while people see me as on time and organized they neglect to see that I struggle to stop and cuddle with a little one when there are other things that need to be done.  Now I am not saying that we should just acknowledge our weaknesses and ignore them, but we should find ways to balance that work for us and utilize our strengths.  For me I have had to learn to cuddle, stop and read a book, leave a little mess and much more.  I usually schedule things out, so that I have plenty of play time and time to get everything else done, but I have had to teach myself to stop and just enjoy time with my kids.  I'm still not perfect at it, but I identify both my strengths and weaknesses and try to figure out how to be better every day.  And yes, there is plenty for me to improve on every day.  

I have spent several years with only children capable of taking care of themselves.  I have an 11, 10, 7 and 1 year old, so for about 3-4 years all of my children could use the bathroom, dress themselves, buckle themselves, feed themselves, etc.  It was great and a lot less stressful than having a toddler getting into everything, but for those same years everyone saw the same thing and forgot that I once had a 1/2, 3 and 4 year old and everything that goes with that.  It doesn't help that I lived in a different state during that stage of life, so most people who know me now only saw me with my children who were old enough to sit through church without throwing a huge fit or make me chase them through the church, so let me set the record straight to prove that me and my children are normal and NOT perfect.

During one Sunday service (stake conference to be specific) my toddler escaped from the very back of the chapel and ran all the way to the front of the chapel and onto the stage.  I'm pretty sure that this happened more than once, but since we were in the very back of the gym this event was most memorable.  We were humiliated as we chased this little 2 year old around and struggled to catch him.

Another day our 2 and 3 year old decided to go to the library.  I was pregnant with our third child, so I was sleeping in and James was taking quick shower when they made this discussion.  They found a chair and used it to unlock the front door and were on their way.  They were, of course, wearing their pajamas and were found trying to cross a highway by a driver on the road.  (The library was just across that highway, so at least they were close to their destination.)  We were terrified when we learned that they had left and grateful when the police officer brought them home.  We had a lovely visit from child services which was the scariest experience of my entire life.



On several occasions I literally 'cried over spilt milk.'  I know it sounds crazy, but when your little one dumps out an entire gallon of milk on the carpet you just can't do anything else but cry.



We have fought off biting, hitting, throwing toys and anything else you can imagine little boys doing.  My children were and are pretty 'normal' and have done most things that you can imagine inquisitive, creative, independent children do.  I am not telling these stories for sympathy, but explain that we are not perfect and that often we don't see what others are going through or have been through.  As mothers I feel like it hurts us to put ourselves down by pretending that other moms are perfect.  Maybe there are a few perfect moms out there, but I haven't met any.  Instead I have met many moms, who like myself are working hard to be the best moms they can be.  We focus on our strengths and work together to help uplift and strengthen each other.  We learn from each other, we teach other, we support and help each other through the ups and downs of motherhood.  To all of those young moms out there who are just trying to keep their kids alive (which is your job until they are about 4) keep working hard and know that you are doing a great work.   Remember that you have strengths even if they aren't the ones you see in others and focus on them and use them to be the best mom that you can be.  We are all unique and as such have special gifts and talents that only we can give to our children.  Give your children what you have and don't focus on what you don't have and your children will love you forever for it.

Winter Work

I feel like every single one of our blogs has something to do with winter. Everything in our lives revolves around whether or not we can/should go outside at any given time. We are school cancelled again today for dangerous wind chills, and the longer this weather stays, the closer we get to spring.

Funny story for today—our little housing complex has four wells, some shared, some independent. The big church next to us is on a separate well from us, which we really didn't care about until this morning 

when our up-the-hill neighbor came to our door to let us know that the spigot had BURST off the outside tap at the church and was now a churning fountain. I checked it out; it was awesome. Our high today is 0˚, so I'm sure if I headed down to see it now, it would be a beautiful fountain of ice forms. It's been fixed, but I thought maybe you'd all enjoy a taste of how really really cold it is here. It's burst the top off your well, freeze your boogers in one second kind of cold.

So, we spent the weekend getting to know our storage room. We bought some massive big boy shelves at Costco and went to town on it. It was fun, and we are so grateful for the storage. Plus, it keeps things off the ground in case we encounter some spring dampness. Photos!

They are so study and so strong and they make Liz SO happy. You know how she likes order. :)  Then, as a celebration before we start our Healthy Eating Challenge, we made Cannoli last night. They were TO DIE FOR. They are officially on the list for the reunion, fair warning.

Winter Fun

We have been having lot of fun at home together after spending our first week of break apart.  For Christmas we focused on family centered activities.  For example, the boys took cake decorating classes with James.  They have fun practicing decorating with frosting and then tackled fondant.  Their cake turned out pretty good.  We enjoyed it on New Years Eve.  

Then, we enjoyed a great snow storm and record low temperatures, so we couldn't go outside and enjoy all of that snow.  We learned that those beautiful windows in the front of our house while  beautiful but don't get along well with super cold weather.  We covered them up and learned quickly which rooms stayed warmest.  The basement became our new best friend.  But it was great spending time together and had fun watching movies, playing games and just hanging out.  

Then, finally we saw double digits, let me clarify that we saw positive double digit temperatures and headed outside.  The boys had a blast checking out the neighborhood to figure out where the best places to sled were.  They found some pretty impressive spots.  Then, they moved onto making a snowman.  I was very impressed by their new skills.  

Hyrum also needed to get outside after days of being stuck inside, so we bundled him up and he headed out.  All of his brothers were excited to take him out and play with him.   He never lasted very long but long enough to let him know he wasn't stuck inside and that can make all the difference in the world. 

Vacation Part 2

I am sad that our vacation is almost over, but it is actually getting hot here.  I just can't seem to win!  85 degrees or 5 degrees!?!  There has to be moderation somewhere!

The trip over was easy since it was only 2 1/2 hours.  We have spent our time with the Petersen's relaxing, playing and enjoying the beach.  I'm really why not spend your time at the beach!  Our first night we enjoyed a lovely orchestra concert in which April played.  She did a fabulous job and the kids loved being able to go and support her.

The next day we spent at the beach while all of the big kids were at school.  This trip has not made me question homeschooling one itty bitty bit.  :)  The water was a little cold at first but afterwards the boys just played and had fun.

Check their shoulders as they do not lie.  The water is definitely cold at first!

Hyrum ventured into the water once but then fell face first and tried to craw the wrong way.  It is a good thing that Heather is faster than I am.  Thanks Heather for saving my little one!  He didn't go back in much after that but he did love playing in the sand and with the boys creations, of course!  He may also have had a lot of fun chasing the sea gulls.  I would feel badly for them but they did take an entire cheese stick right out of his hand.  Go Hyrum!

They spent a lot of time with just David playing and creating.  Here was one of their most proud moments.  It didn't really stand on its own, but they thought it was great and that is what counts!

While at home without the big kids Michael spent a lot of time fishing with nets and poles out in the lake behind their house.  Yea, awesome!  He caught lots of things in his net, but the bass he caught with a fishing pole was his pride and joy.  He was really sad to learn that we couldn't eat it because they spray the pond.  I agree it was too bad because that is one good looking fish!

 On Friday Heather and I had a lot of fun shopping at the Farmer's Market getting watermelon, pineapple, strawberries and much more!  It is great to get fresh fruit at amazing prices!  That is the one thing I with I could take home with me!

That afternoon just the boys went with Uncle Joe to go in search of shark teeth.  They were very successful and had a fabulous time!  And the moms got to rest!  Win-win!   Which was good because that evening we went to the drive-in to watch Frozen and Despicable Me 2.  The kids had so much fun playing, watching and eating.  Hyrum didn't love sitting for the movie, but Aunt Heather worked her magic and got him to sleep!

Saturday was our final beach day and we didn't waste it!  We went to a beach that is fun for exploring and it was everything the kids wanted.  They found tons of sand dollars, some crabs in their shells and lots of other fun shells.  The boys even brought a tub to store their finds in.  What they didn't count on was two little boys who thought it would be fun to cover all of their creations in sand.  Fortunately, they could clean them off later, so it was great fun for all!

Poor David kept trying to get Hyrum to stop but eventually he just joined in! 

It is amazing how much fun you can have watching a shell walk!  

The kids were pretty wiped out after the beach, so we enjoyed a movie at home with some popcorn.

Today is our last day and we are just relaxing and celebrating Heather and Chloe's birthday.  How fun to crash their party!

It has been a great trip with lots of fun adventures, great family to visit and beautiful weather!  Now to prepare for the frigid weather that awaits us at home but at least we should enjoy a white Christmas!

Florida in the Winter

After some pretty cold weeks in Illinois we thought it would be fun to get away from the cold for a bit and since James was going to be in Europe we headed off.  The trip was a bit rough given that everyone managed to get the flu.  I do feel sorry for the person cleaning our hotel room from that night. :)  The boys struggled riding in the car while feeling unwell, so it was honestly the hardest trip we've taken so far.  Fortunately, I didn't get sick until after we arrived.

Now we will pretend like the traveling part didn't happen because it is better that way.  We have spent the past few days at my parents house.  We have spent much time at the beach which the boys have loved.  Michael in particular loves the big waves of the ocean and while the gulf will be fun he will miss the waves.  :)  Hyrum loves the sand!  I mean really, this is the biggest sand box ever, so what toddler wouldn't be in heaven.  He even learned to venture off and explore but wasn't too keen to get wet.  That seemed like the perfect balance for me!



On Sunday while I was sleeping all day everyone went out for a walk on a pier.  I was glad they could have some fun while I was no fun at all!

On Monday they went fishing with grandma - one of her favorite activities.  They didn't catch anything edible, but they had a blast doing it.  We then, of course, spent more time at the beach playing in the water and looking for shells.

On Tuesday we were in for a real treat.  We went to the Kennedy Space Center thanks to my Aunt who works there.  We took a bus tour to see the launch pads and much more.  

This is the crawler used to transport the shuttles.  It moves no faster than 1 mph.  Slow but faster than any of us could carry that stuff.  :)

This is the most famous launchpad from where we sent people to the moon!

Hyrum didn't love the bus, but he survived!

We finally saw some gators!!!!  Can you find him?

 The center was full of replicas as well as real shuttles and other items that have been in space.  This one was real and you could see the burn marks on it.  It was pretty awesome exploring and seeing all of the cool things.

This was a great slide that the boys loved sliding down.

Every little boys dream come true - lots of buttons to push that look important.  

 The big boys also got to go in a shuttle simulator.  They thought it was awesome!  Though, Joshua wasn't so sure if he would want to do it a lot.

In the rocket gardens.  These were some big rockets!

 It was a fabulous day full of adventure and new experiences.  And Hyrum even survived!

Today is our last day at the Turner's, so we are cleaning up and packing!  We are going to meet my grandparents later at the park now that we have gotten rid of the flu.  (It isn't nice to share things like that with older people.)  And then we are headed to the Petersen's!  It should be another fun day!

Canterbury

This is my view right now at Canterbury Cathedral in Southern England. It is the seat of the Anglican Church and is the heart of the Christian church in England, dating back more than 1500 years to the first Christian Roman conquests. 

I have had a lovely time here, and I have fallen a little bit in love with Canterbury and Kent, it's county. It has been especially meaningful because of the rich choral history related to the Church of England and it's unique training and writing for the young male voice. 

We attended Evensong last eve and I was quite moved by the music and the service. There was a unique relationship between the music and the space, much of it being written for this space because the composers were the Gentleman of the Chapel Royal and as such did compose for the monarchy and this church in particular. I felt such a strong presence of the Spirit as we listened and sang together in the service. The texts were drawn from the Psalms and the renditions were pure and beautiful and holy. I went to my bed in peace last night after my time there. 

I am skipping a group movie tonight (The Hobbit) so that I can return for the Carol Service. I am looking forward to it and the peace of the Christmas season. 

It is especially difficult to be here without my family the week before Christmas, but I have taken comfort in the spirit of the music and the joy of the journey. 

Canterbury is a very important place, besides being the world seat of the Church if England. Tonight I saw the inn in which the Mayflower charter contract was signed and I marveled at the this city played in opening the world to the reformation and restoration. The first book in English was written about a groups of pilgrims on their way here.  Nothing short if divine intervention saved the cathedral from bombing in The Second World War. Thomas Beckett was murdered inside the cathedral for insisting to William that the church wielded more power than the monarchy, a fight we still fight to this day. 

Canterbury is a vibrant mix of old and new, centuries of tradition and modern education. I would live in a place like this. Perhaps I will some day. 

November Update

November was full of James' musical, but without any of the boys being involved it just meant no daddy at night.  :(  But we did have a lot of fun going to see Urinetown!  It really was a lot of fun and everyone did a fabulous job!  If you get a chance to see it I recommend it irregardless of its title.  :)

School has been pretty normal, but Joshua has been adamant that we make gingerbread houses.  I couldn't bring myself to make gingerbread houses in November, so instead we made log cabins because Joshua is reading a book about the pilgrims.  It made both of us happy.  :)

I have honestly had a lot of fun with the boys and school because they are learning the math that I teach online.  Yes, I teach Algebra I and II online . . . just don't tell my college students that.  :)

Hyrum is, of course, having fun being 1 and getting into everything.  One of his favorite things to do is to put things in his clothes, as many toys that fit is ideal.  He does get upset when the rest of us don't allow him to put everything he wants in our clothes, and he gets even more upset when things don't stay the way he likes.   I have started putting him in a onesie under his clothes, so that his toys stay better.  Clever . . . oh yea!  

Also, he has been cutting a rather stubborn molar making his and our lives quite miserable.  It is not fun to try to comfort a little one who is inconsolable.  He seems to be doing better but said molar is still not in, so hopefully it will just sneak in without our noticing!

Curling up in a fuzzy blanket is the best when you don't feel good!

Thanksgiving was wonderful because it was really the first day we have been able to spend lots of time with James and that was definitely something to be grateful for!  And like everyone else, we used the rest of the weekend to set up our Christmas tree!  The boys had a great time decorating, and Hyrum loved undoing everything we did.  We did find a little tree that we decorated for him and let him play with whenever he likes.

Hyrum and his tree!  I couldn't get him to hold still which I took to mean that he likes it. 

We learned that our tree looks quite small in our living room, but it will have to do for now.    Happy Thanksgiving to all and we are looking forward to a fabulous Christmas season!